The Appreciation Piece

If after reading and reflecting on A Biblical Marriage - A Husband's Role or A Biblical Marriage - A Wife’s Role you can say that your spouse does one, two, or maybe even a few of the roles, then take heart. They are trying. There is not a single person you will meet, date, or marry who will be perfect. What is present can be multiplied when combined with prayer and patience.

It is okay to extend grace when you notice effort. I like to think of effort as equivalent to hope. And with hope, you can keep moving forward.

Biblically, these roles are clearly spelled out for us by our Creator. The Bible is there to guide us once a husband and wife are joined together in marriage.

I know I entered our marriage with preconceived notions of what I thought life would look like and what I expected of Tristan, as well as what I believed it meant to be a wife, all before I had truly read my Bible.

That changed when my husband brought to my attention that there was no need to assume or wonder. The Maker of it all has already provided exactly what we need to have a successful and fulfilling marriage.

At the time, I thought I was doing everything right, when in reality I was neglecting quite a few of my wifely duties. Meanwhile, he was missing none. He was quite literally doing everything by the book.

This realization changed me deeply. While I had been praying for a godly man, I did not truly understand what that meant. Then I witnessed God’s faithfulness in sending me exactly what I had prayed when I was only a teenager.

I blame my mother-in-law, who I love to pieces, my father-in-law who has taught me so much, and my bonus mother-in-law who filled in the gaps. They created this beautiful human and raised him with a solid foundation in Christ. They shaped and molded him into a man, teaching him what it truly means to be a husband. Not just a husband, but a great one. A man who shows up through the thick and thin, supports his wife, helps where help is needed, and is willing and able to cook, clean, and care for the children alongside covering his role as a provider.

Despite their circumstances, they did not just raise a man. They raised a God-fearing man, a devoted father, a loving husband, a provider, a friend, and a tireless worker. He is exactly the godly man I prayed for. The peace he brings into my life and the joy I feel watching him raise our children makes my heart smile. He has the purest heart.

You have to show up differently for a gift like this. When you realize God has gone far beyond what you prayed for in a husband, it humbles you. He listens to me, sees me, and loves me in ways words cannot fully express.

Marriage is not about perfection. It is about obedience, humility, and daily surrender to God. When effort is present, hope is alive. And where hope lives, growth can take place.

God never intended marriage to be navigated blindly. He gave us His Word not to shame us, but to shape us. When husband and wife submit to Him first, roles stop feeling like obligations and begin to feel like acts of love.

I have learned that when God gives you a gift, you are called to steward it well. That means showing up differently, laying down pride, and allowing His truth to refine you. I am still learning, still growing, and still becoming the wife God has called me to be.

Marriage flourishes when grace meets effort and obedience meets love. And when both husband and wife keep their eyes on Christ, even imperfect people can build a beautiful, God honoring marriage.